If You Don’t Want Brokenness, Why Are You Watching “The Bachelor?”

I am going to admit something deeply embarrassing I have only admitted to my husband. 

I have watched hours of The Bachelor. 

Now, depending who you are, you might be thinking, “Good grief, Katie. Are you kidding me?” Or you may be thinking, “So . . . what’s the big deal,” and I’m going to answer you both. 

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I first became aware of The Bachelor’s existence two years ago, during a particularly low point in Elisha’s and my dating relationship. We were long-distance, a month out from marriage, and both feeling acutely unfulfilled and detached. Like every girl, I craved romance, and it seemed like we were discussing one disagreement after another.

For a bit of perspective, I’ve never had a TV in the home, and although I knew reality TV existed, I knew very little of it. At 21 years old, I suddenly woke up to the fact that “The Bachelor,” “Lauren and Ben,” and “Jojo” conflict was plastered everywhere I turned. 

My curiosity was peaked, and I YouTubed searched, “who did Ben end up with?” 

This led me to watching clips from the last scene. And I HAD to know why they heck Jojo though SHE was the one. 

The more clips I watched, the more concerned I became that this was not what I should be watching. But curiosity has done more than kill a cat, and one rabbit trail led to another. Hours later, my YouTube trail led me to the fantasy suits, and that’s where I drew the line. 

Girls. I’m like you.

I love a good romance, fancy dresses, and a twisty plot . . . more than anything, it KILLS me to not know what is going on (why I now do not start any form of “show.” I’ll be clicking on “next episode” faster than the button can pop up).

BUT . . . 

I’m also like you, in that, soap opera dramas–glorifying sin and neutralizing our consciences:

Slowly hurt our relationships,

Inhibit our relationship with our Creator, 

Cripple our judgement,

And fill our minds with the World.

I’m saddened to see women I know and love closely following the current Bachelorette. Not because I don’t understand WHY.

Truth**(Even though I’m disgusted by the show, I had to ask Elisha to lock down my instagram and youtube so I could purge from that overwhelming curiosity of who was the next bachelorette, and who she picked, and, and, and . . .) 

I’m not judging. 

I’m challenging. 

Do you want a relationship built on the fragile threads of lust, sex, and physical attraction? Do you want the short-lived results of this show in your current relationship? Do you want to preserve (or reclaim) physical intimacy for your spouse and him alone? Or do you want to treat what God created as pure, and Holy, and precious, as a cheap base pleasure equated to “test-driving a car.” 

We are a product of how we fill our minds.

Now, am I saying if you watch The Bachelor you have a “less-than” relationship? Of course not. I know there are fantastic marriages out there that watch these shows together. I’m also not saying if you don’t watch this show your relationship will automatically be a bed of roses. (See what I did there?)

I just know little decisions can have big implications. And Christ lays some pretty strong advice out in the scripture.

God’s word says to take, “every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” He says to focus on what is, “true, honest, just, PURE, LOVELY, of good report, full of VIRTUE and PRAISE.”

   There is no excuse for glorifying sin. There is no excuse for watching sin be glorified.

After my Bachelor benge, I felt insecure around Elisha. I felt I needed new make-up, extensions, tanner skin. I felt I needed to show more of my “assets” and be more flirtatious. 

I didn’t spend much time in the Word, because I was looking up articles on “after the final rose” before I went to bed. 

I became dissatisfied with my current relationship. It wasn’t kisses in airplanes, and giggles on the beach. It was, “why don’t you agree with me about ____?” and “I’m sorry you felt disrespected when I said ____.” 

Here’s the ironic part! What makes for a lasting marriage with kisses in airplanes and giggles on the beach? 

The hard conversations. 

The disagreements and resolutions.

The fun, the friendship, the forgiveness. 

NOT the sex before vows, the scandals that make headlines, or the kisses before the ring. 

We don’t need a boob job, a sunset in Fuji, or 20 other girls fighting for the same man to have romance in our lives. 

If we want passion in purity, peace, security, and a long-lasting marriage, let’s not fill our minds with brokenness, sin, insecurity, and short-lived relationships. 

Christ calls us to be holy. So let us dwell on holiness.

Learning with you,
The Kathryn Joy

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4 Replies to “If You Don’t Want Brokenness, Why Are You Watching “The Bachelor?””

  1. This was so well-written, Kathryn! So full of truth and yes, a challenge, not a judgment. Why not spend the time God gives us sowing good seed into our hearts and minds? I love hearing your voice for this generation to pursue purity in mind, body, and emotions. May God be glorified through your words. Thank you.

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