Marriage, Uncategorized

Three Ways To Stay in Love

“Falling in love is a feeling, staying in love is an action.” 

Today I showed up at church boiling mad at my husband. Like, the, I-Can’t-Even-Look-You-In-The-Eye-And-I’m-Probably-Going-To-Poke-Your-Eyes-Out kind of mad.

We had a little disagreement before we left for church, but Elisha’s the guy that quietly processes, and I’m the one that needs to talk it out right now.

This recipe, meant we showed up to church 30 minutes after our little spat, with Elisha still dead silent, and me fuming at 30 minutes of pent up frustration. Usually I’m madly in love . . . but right then, I was just plain mad.

My carefully crafted Instagram caption (for a post I scheduled to post, ironically, that afternoon) kept swimming around in my head, “falling in love is a feeling, staying in love is an action.” 

Dang it.

I fell in love with my husband two nights ago when he asked me on a date. I fell in love with him yesterday, when he took pictures with me, and teased me in the kitchen. That photo caption seemed fun and clever, at the time . . . now it kept pounding through my head like the death march.

” . . . staying in love is an action.” 

I had to get it together before I bawled in church, or said something I regretted in public.

Now, I’m not one to give marriage advice, but I figure in my two years of marriage I can get just as upset as the next woman, and I figure I can also fall just as deeply in love with my husband, as any wife. So, despite my amateur status at this whole marriage thing, I’m going to share a few actions that forced the daggers to leave my eyes this morning, in hopes they will encourage you! <3

Pray For Your Husband 

When you hate your husband’s guts (whether he deserves it or not . . . mine didn’t), it’s the hardest thing in the world to pray for him. I honestly couldn’t this morning (because of my own pride and stupidity, guys. Seriously, this was not a big fight this morning–I just had too long to stew about it).

And of course, you never want to pray against your husband, because that’s attacking your own sacred union that God created, for pete’s sake.

But, you can pray for God to lead your husband.

For example:

Dear Lord,
I know I’m not obeying you and loving my husband by being angry, but I can’t stop these emotions! I pray that when he makes a decision, it will be of you, so I can follow him as unto you. I pray you will show him how to love me. I pray you will be working in his heart right now to resolve this issue. I pray he will understand my point of view. I pray you will show him how to be more sensitive . . . etc.

I know, not a real inspiring prayer, right? But when your mad, past-the-point-of-logical-thinking-mad, pouring your heart out to God allows you to put the issue in his hands.

God created us to be emotional beings, and he understands when we pour our hearts out to him. Even David prayed prayers of doubt, anxiousness, and frustration, and “the Lord heard him, and delivered him out of all his troubles.”

This morning, when I prayed God would lead Elisha (turns out, he already was, it was me who was out of line), I was able to let go and put my troubles in God’s hands. He could worry about Elisha, now I just needed to worry about getting my own heart right.

Write Down a List of What You Love about Your Husband

After I prayed my pitiful little, “God-Help-My-Husband,” prayer, I started saying things out loud that I love about Elisha. This wasn’t hard. Even in my anger, I could still think of a million things I adore about my husband.

I love Elisha takes me on dates.
I love Elisha’s always learning and growing. 
I love how Elisha is an amazing Daddy to our children. 
I love how Elisha is a talented speaker and writer.
I love how Elisha stands out in a crowd. 
I love how Elisha romances me and cherishes me. 
I love how I can trust Elisha with everything. 
I love how Elisha is so faithful to me . . . 

A few minutes in, my tears stopped. A peace crept into my heart, and I saw my own foolishness.

Who cares if we never see eye to eye on that silly disagreement? I have an amazing husband! I am married to the man of my dreams, and I am hurting him, and myself, by withholding my love.

The argument quickly faded, in light of the overwhelming sense of gratefulness I felt for my husband.

I walked back into church and took my place next to Elisha. My emotions were still fragile, and I still was worried I might cry if I looked him in the eye. (I am a woman after-all, and can’t simply bottle up my emotions in 5 minutes and pretend they never existed).

Touch Your Husband

Disclaimer: Don’t touch him if you want to pinch him in the ribs and pluck his nose hairs.

Staying in love can be a journey, and I wasn’t ready to touch Elisha until I had reconciled with God, and remembered why I am so infatuated with this man every day.

Sliding into my seat, I slowly reached my arm around his back, and leaned into him. He was still unmoving and cold–wary about what to expect. But as I rubbed his neck, and eventually wiggled my arm under his, the warmth spreading through my body crept into his, and he grabbed my hand.

I was in love. 

Church was beautiful today. God spoke powerfully through several teachers, and I fell deeper and deeper in love with my husband, as we sat there in silence, our fingers playing, my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped tightly around me.

We both genuinely loved visiting afterwards, and when we got in the car three hours later, there was no tension, no pain, no anger.

Sure, we still had to talk about the issue of the morning, but at this point, I didn’t care if we ever saw eye-to-eye. I was in love with my husband, and he was in love with me.

How close I was to wasting this precious day, and damaging what I hold most dear.

My lovelies, whether we’ve been married for three weeks, or thirty years, let us always remember that falling in love is a feeling. And it can be ours to treasure if we take action.

Learning with you,




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2 thoughts on “Three Ways To Stay in Love

  1. I’ve been listening to your podcast for a while but am just now visiting your blog for the first time! Love your thoughts/insight. I literally laugh out sometimes when I read or hear things from you guys. ? Loved the disclaimer about plucking nose hairs! ?

  2. And to clarify, “Falling in love is a feeling; staying in love is an action,” if I use that quote, do I credit it to you? Love that!

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